Archive for July, 2010

I felt very ashamed

About four months ago, I spent my savings of two years on the English Training.

The initial purpose of it was to find a shortcut to success.

Because in my practical life, I found it's so difficult to improve the professional skills to a high level. And even if I reach that level, the benefits are just so-so.

But if I can speak fluent English, it is very easy to find a very good job.


Actually in my heart of hearts I feel inferior about my college. I attained a very lousy mark in the university Entrance Examination, so I couldn't get into the good university.

Thankfully, in my past work I did pretty good and was approved by many people. My self-confidence was gradually returning, but I still not really found the things which can make my inside stronger. 

Then I thought about the English, the fluent spoken English. With my steady improvement professional skills, I can tell others about my history more confidently, I have the ability to own a good future.


In the past, I hesitated whether I should upgrade my diploma to Undergraduate or re-enter the university for postgraduate. But inwardly I don’t want that. They will waste so much time but could not get anything of value. Maybe you think I can get the diploma. Just for this? Is this really what I want in my life? No! Absolutely not! I will not yield. 

I believed that I found the right way to success, but I’m ashamed for the effect of English learning.

I have already learned about four months, but little progress. Compare with the others in the conversation course, I still have a long way to go. Many of them are high school students, or university students. When they chat with the foreign teachers, they’re so fluent and comfortable.

They always talk about the study abroad, the foreign culture, the fashion and so on. They don’t worry about the money because they are rich or their parents are. It seems that we are not in the same stratum.

I actually planned some method for the quick to learn, for example, prepare all the sentences I may use in the training centre, classify the words in my daily life by some different topics, or imagine a conversation about something interesting.

But I just planned them, didn’t do. So each time when I thought of this, compared with others, I felt very ashamed.

Time flies. But I still have time to build the beautiful future. Do it properly or don't do it at all.

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